I'm a little conflicted about this whole Father's day thing. Marnia and I have been through so many hurdles to become parents that it feels to me that father's day is more of a hallmark holdiay than the real thing. Don't get me wrong, I cherish my role as a father and my son is the embodiment of happiness. However, what is there about tomorrow that makes being a father that much better than any other day of the year?
I'm not sure what pregnant people go through, but I know that for me I was so focused on the adoption process, that when we got to the hotel, and then got home, with Damon, that I was pretty unprepared. Trying to figure out why the little dude is crying in the middle of the night. Which formula is he going to finally like? Which bottle will agree with him? Why the heck won't he burp? Why the heck did he just spit up twice the amount of liquid that I just put into him? Stress. Stress. Stress. I'm sure other parents go through that part, but when you add onto all of that the whole, "is this kid really going to be mine?" part, it just gets crazier.
Before you start thinking that I've gone over the deep end, or at least further than usual, things have also gotten a lot better over the weeks since we've been home. The legal hurdles have been crossed and he's ours forever. We did figure out which formula and bottle he likes. We've gotten a lot better at figuring out what it is that he needs at a given point in time. Burping and spitting are just things that you learn to work with. After all, a burping child is generally a happy one. I've actually developed a whole new appreciation for the burp and think everyone needs at least one good belch a day.
People keep asking me what I think about being a father. I've taken to responding "it's different." I know that most of the time the answer that's being sought is something about how great it is. It is great, but mostly, it's different. On several occasions I've found myself looking forward to things "getting back to normal." The problem is, that view of "normal" is outdated, and from what I've been able to gather, I won't see normal around here for quite a few years. So, what I'm getting at here is that fatherhood IS different. Every day is different than the day before in some way or another. Different isn't bad either. It's just different.
So, back to Father's day. I think that Father's day is a good thing, but from where I'm sitting, Father's day isn't about me. Father's day is about my dad and is about my son. I think that doing something special with my son tomorrow is important for me, even though at his age, he's not really going to appreciate what's going on. I think that doing something special for my dad is important also. At his age, he also may not understand what's going on, but that's how it goes. (just kidding Dad). In the end, the day isn't about clever cards or Home Depot tools (although I'm not turning any down that show up), but about spending time with people.
The question begs though, how is that different than any other day? I enjoy doing things with my son every day and doing things for my dad is also not something that should limited to a particular day.
